Humans thrive on physical contact, especially when they’re brand new. Hospitals encourage “skin-to-skin” contact (often called Kangaroo Care) between parents and babies in the NICU because it actively aids the healing process.
One study found that if fathers held their newborns against a bare chest while mothers recovered from a Cesarean section, their babies slept better, cried less and, later, had a much easier time learning to breastfeeding with Mom. Our very first instinct after birth is to seek human contact. Later, babies continue to thrive if they are held often and close.
Bonding Science
The ultimate feel-good “bonding hormone oxytocin rises during physical contact between a newborn and his parents, increasing the feelings of attachment between members of the new family.”It’s not a crunchy, hippie idea that babies need to be held a lot. A famous (and heartbreaking) experiment proved that we need so much more than food to develop properly.
Harry Harlow experimented on newborn monkeys separated from their mothers, and you still can see Harlow’s original footage of what happened. The study really did rock the world, not just the scientific community. Warning: Possible side effects of watching that video include tears, nausea and extreme donations to PETA. Harlow’s type of experiment is no longer considered ethical, thank goodness.
History Speaks
A historical even provided us with horrific proof that human babies desperately need to be touched: when the Soviet Union fell, the West bore witness to the tragedy of Romania’s now-infamous orphanages. Children who are not held, touched, played-with and loved never recover. The NPR link above provides a wealth of more information about the Romanian orphanages, including updates on how the system has improved (and hasn’t) and how those orphans fared later in life.
Forgive me for all the drama; my older sister is a developmental psychology professor, and I share her fascination with child/caregiver relationships. One final note before I move on to happier things: It’s actually quite difficult to fail a child in this way; kids are resilient and only mentally ill or inhumanly overwhelmed caregivers never pick them up. And, when placed in proper care at a young age, even the Romanian orphans “caught up” to their peers.
Spoiling Myth
Now, I’m sure you already knew that babies need to be held. Babywearing simply allows you to hold them closer, for longer stretches of time and more comfortably. Why wouldn’t a baby prefer going out in a carrier or napping in sling?
“Attachment parenting is not the same as indulgently giving your child everything she asks for. … New parents often ask, “Won’t holding our baby a lot, responding to cries, nursing our baby on cue, and even sleeping with our baby spoil her?” Or they ask if this kind of parenting will create an overly dependent, manipulative child? Our answer is an emphatic no. In fact, both experience and research have shown the opposite. Attachment fosters eventual interdependence.” Dr. Sears on Spoiling
You really cannot spoil a baby by holding her too much; don’t worry–you will not end up having to wear or hold a baby all the time. They will still want to explore the world around them and will not expect to be held all day and all night. Babies are so super-talented at adapting, in fact, that we can lead them towards a babywearing schedule that works for us as caregivers and feels great for them.
Image Credit: A Mother with her Infant in a Pouch Baby Carrier
Anne-Marie Lindsey is a stay-at-home-mom, aspiring HypnoBirthing Instructor, mental illness fighter, wife, dog owner and auntie. I write about everything, including the beautiful, fun, peaceful, scary, stigmatized and painful on my personal blog, Do Not Faint where motherhood meets depression and anxiety!
I had my first baby in 1984, and was told that if I hold them too much, cuddle and kiss them too much, that I would spoil her. I repudiated that. I held, cuddled, and kissed my six kids as much as I wanted, which was a lot. They all grew up to be great people.
I was born in 1984 (sorry to date you!) but my mom was lucky enough to be living amongst crunchy folk in Southern California. (I have, in fact, *met* my home birth midwife. Twice.)
I’m glad that you stood up to the “babies are manipulative” people! So silly. Mom wants to cuddle baby. Baby wants to be cuddled. We should force them apart based on an unfounded fear of dependence or of “giving in”? No way. There’s such a huge difference between affectionate parenting and permissive parenting.
I wish I had worn my babies when they were young. I was young and didnt’ realize all the wonderful ways to wear your baby! I only had a Snugli and it gave me terrible back pain to wear it with my children in it. I wish I had realized there are slings and other wonderful, more comfortable creations!
Very good post! People used to say I was spoiling my babies…I also said "Nope, just well cared for" Have a Great Weekend!
Great post, thanks for sharing. I started babywearing with my first baby right from the start, thanks to Dr Sears, and have never looked back. Well, that's not strictly true – I ocassionally let the odd doubt creep in when i had so many people telling me I'd be sorry, I'd end up spoiling my children. Well, I'm happy to say those who said I'd be 'making a rod for own back' ended up and telling me I was obviously right as my kids are great and they have eaten their words!
Thanks Karen for stopping by. I totally agree – I got the same comments about holding the baby too much and spoiling but all three of my boys are very independent and well-behaved souls.
fully believe in the power and bond of babywearing and "spoiling" my child! If caring for your babies need is considered spoiling…oy, what a messed up society we live in!
I have back problems and can not baby wear my baby. My baby is 11 months and extremely happy and confident. He laughs a lot. Nevertheless I DO think baby wearing is a great idea. I studied psychology at uni and human touch is very important. Of course we hold and touch him a lot. As for baby wearing I have nothing against it and it is terrible that people criticise people for wearing their baby. People should not criticise parents for their parenting choices. Also parents should not have to justify their decisions. It is obvious that human touch is vital for babies so baby wearing is a good thing. However, not everyone baby wears and their child will not be traumatised for not doing so. If no one touches them for months on end yes they will likely be very negative consequences. Even though I know based on research that baby wearing is a good thing. I find a lot of people use ‘sample size 1’ to justify their parenting. “My child is happy and independent and I wore him/her” sort of quotes. I guess those are to encourage parents who are getting criticised for baby wearing. However, logically just because one baby is happy and was worn as a baby does not causally link baby wearing to happiness. Although I think research that does show that touch lowers peoples heart rate, increases oxytocin seems to show touching babies is a great thing. With the sample size 1 arguments then people can also turn around and say “I know someone who wore their baby and it screams all the time”. I am not arguing against baby wearing per se …… it is one of the many great options to bond with your child …. but I am just wary of the logic used. Although I guess some people are arguing all babies that are worn will be “clingy and dependent” so one exception to the rule shows that it is not always the case……………. One other thing baby wearing is great but parents need to do what suits them as a family and on the individual baby. Newborns will probably all happily be worn but older babies may vary in their response. Some older babies are very snuggly and other babies are more active. My son prefers to move about on his own. He likes to be held too but I think he likes a balance. I hope all parents are supported in whatever they decide to do with their child.