Nurse: “Ok, let’s get you hooked to this IV and get the antibiotics started.”
Me: “Excuse me? IV? Antibiotics? I am having a natural birth and my birth plan states I do not wish to be on an IV. I don’t mind you puting in the heplock for just-in-case, but no IV unless needed.”
Nurse: “Yes, I know, but you are strep-B positive and you need the antibiotics in your system 4 hours before you give birth to protect the baby.”
Insert shocked look from me, my husband, and my best friend.
1. No one called me, or let me know at the visit following my strep-B test, that I had tested positive and would need to be on an IV.
2. I had labored as long as I could possibly stand it at home and walking around Wal-Mart and the local mall. There was no way I had 4 hours left of labor.
And, we were right. 1.5 hours later, Lucas Harrison was born. It was the perfect birth. Hard, yes, but quick, natural, and empowering. We spent the next twelve hours bonding with our son, getting lost in bis beautiful eyes, amazed at his strength, and looking forward to taking him home the next morning.
We were warned during the IV discussion that if I didn’t have that antibiotic in my system for at least four hours there would be a chance of the baby becoming infected and that at 12 hours post-birth he would need to be tested. We were assured it was rare for a baby to actually need treatment, but if he did he’d have to spend 48 hours hooked to an IV with antibiotics, after which he’d be tested again. If he was still in danger they would keep him an additional 7 days.
Still, none of this prepared me for the heart wrenching that would grab hold of my entire being, when the nurse came to take my newborn from me, after tests indicated infection. I wouldn’t describe the initial feelings as fear, as I didn’t yet know how this infection could affect him, or how helpless I would feel when I finally saw him on the IV. All I knew was that my baby was being taken from me. The kind nurse gave me a few minutes to sob while I sat on the side of the bed, holding onto Luke’s little bed for support. She gently encouraged me to pick him up and hold him a few minutes and I did.
I don’t know how long that lasted. It seemed mere seconds and he was being wheeled out of my room. My husband held me and I wept.
That was 4am. Come 7 the nurse returned to tell me Lucas was awake and hungry and if I wanted to go see him I could, and that I could nurse him, and that we would be able to visit him in the nursery as often as we’d like. We could hold him too. Off we went! We peered through the nursery windows and tried to guess which of the 3 babies were ours. One had way too much hair. The other two looked just like Lucas and one was on an IV. I was sure it was him. Then my husband saw the name on the crib. Not our baby. Where on earth was OUR baby???
We knocked on the nursery door and were let in. We were instructed to wash well and were handed yellow gowns to put on. Then we were led to a dark corner of the nursery that you couldn’t see from the windows. Our baby was alone in the corner.
First of all, let me say, I don’t even pretend to know what parents go through when their child is born prematurely, with defects, or conditions requiring special care. I have no idea what it’s like to spend weeks or months scared for my child’s life. I only know that when you’re not expecting complications and you’ve just had the most beautiful birth you could hope for, seeing your baby attached to an IV and 4 monitors is not easy. It’s downright terrifying. And, you will cry.
Had my husband not been strong for me, I probably would have lost it. There lay our son, pale, lethargic, and pitiful, wires coming from 5 different directions, stuck to his tiny body with little plastic rounds of medical tape. When they said IV I knew it would be hard to see. I guessed he’d have a tiny hep-lock in his hand or arm, but I had no idea he’d also have so many monitors, or that in the 3 short hours since I’d seen him he could go from being so strong and healthy to looking so sick. A nurse explained what was happening, then she carefully gathered up the wires to one side and placed my baby in my arms.
Every 3 hours for 2 days and 2 nights I would return to that corner to hold and nurse him. The first few times I was discouraged, maybe even a bit resentful. I wanted to say unkind things to the staff at my doctor’s office for not telling me about my test results so we could avoid this. I wanted to just take my baby home. I wanted his big brother to be able to hold him. I wanted to finally be the little family of four that we’d been dreaming of for the past 9 months.
I wanted so many things.
God had other plans.
On one of my next visits to the nursery I was told a new baby had come in and needed some attention so I’d need to wait just a few minutes to come in. They offered to let me through a set of doors to the OR hall and let me look through some other windows. There was another entry there that led straight to the part of the nursery my baby was in. It was labeled NICU.
Until this time it hadn’t hit me that my baby wasn’t actually in the nursery. I hadn’t caught on that his nurses were special. This realization that my son wasn’t just being monitored hit me like a ton of bricks. He really was sick.
We didn’t have a family pediatrician in town, so come morning we opted to use the on-call Doctor. From the moment we met him we knew, this was the doctor we wanted caring for our son. He explained the situation so that we could understand the danger of this infection, but he did it without talking down to us or trying to scare us. He said “God is good and He is looking out for your baby” then he assured us the nurses caring for Lucas were the very best and he praised the night-nurse who had run the tests and taken Luke to start his IV. He said she had probably saved his life. I silently said my first prayer of thanksgiving.
When I entered the nursery around lunch time the first day the day-nurse said the night-nurse had just called to check on Lucas. She hadn’t slept yet because she’d been up praying for him. My heart became a little softer and I thanked God again for placing us in this hospital, with these nurses. The nurses came and went with shift change. Each time we were in awe that they were so tender with our son, so sensitive to our desire to be with Luke, and so willing to work with us so that we could have the best possible experience. Each time I thanked God for yet another amazing nurse.
In the hours following I began to feel the fear lifting. I came to terms with the idea of staying in the hospital for two extra days. We got Lucas on a feeding schedule and I got some sleep in between feedings. The day nurse put a CD player next to Luke’s bed and all day and all night he got to listen to classic Disney movie tracks and worship music. On the second day Luke’s monitors started fussing that something was wrong with his IV. The nurse on duty tried to find the problem, but couldn’t. She told me they’d probably have to move it to another spot and warned I probably wouldn’t want to watch as there could be lots of pricking and Luke was sure to cry. I thanked her for the warning and I trusted her judgement. When I came back about an hour later my son had a tube attached to a needle in his forehead. The tape had been put on right over his beautiful brown hair and I cried inside, knowing that when removed it would surely pull his hair out, leaving him bald. I also imagined it would hurt. A lot. I wasn’t prepared though for how much happier he would be not to have that contraption on his hand. His now-bright eyes greeted me and his little arms waved in excitement. In just one short day he’d gone from lethargic to peppy and I felt hope rise within me. On the other side of the NICU wall the OR was abuzz. A baby was being delivered by c-section and would soon join Lucas in the NICU. I was warned that the newcomer would probably need a lot of attention at first and that I would be asked to leave while they got him settled. I snuggled my sweet one a bit longer then laid him back in his bed and left. When the nurse called my room a few hours later to let me know Luke was awake and ready to eat I got a swift kick in the pants that sent the remainder of my selfish attitude for a hike.
As I nursed my tiny one in the corner rocker, four nurses stood around the bed of the new baby boy. He was only a few weeks early, but he needed some help breathing and since his mom was still in recovery, he needed nourishment. The problem? The nurses couldn’t get his IV started. They pricked him everywhere. They tried so many times. They called in every off-duty NICU nurse and within minutes the nursery was full of ‘help.’ One of the nurses I’d grown to love turned to me and asked, “If you’re the praying-kind, please say a prayer for this baby.” I did. With all of my heart. When I looked up, the nurses had joined hands around that baby’s bed and they were all praying for guidance, for steady hands, and for the baby’s health. Peace flooded the room and I cried. I can still feel His presence, like a dense fog, rising. It was almost visible in the room. In that quiet moment between the prayer and the nurse trying again to set the IV, I became aware of the worship music playing and the nurses humming along. The nurse tried one more time and it worked.
There I sat in my little corner, staring at the precious baby in my arms. I felt small. Very small; aware of something so much bigger than me, bigger than my problem, than my baby’s problem. Bigger than anything I’d ever felt. I knew, at that instant, that we, that I, was exactly where I was supposed to be. This moment had been arranged and I was meant to be a part of it, to be affected by it. And, that I would never be the same. I was there when the window blinds were opened and the father got to see his son for what was probably the first time. I felt pain for the mother in recovery when I realized the photos he was taking on his phone were the only way she could see her baby. And suddenly, I found myself overwhelmed with thankfulness.
True to the doctors and nurses predictions, Lucas was tested again after 48 hours of treatment. His levels were much improved and he was cleared to go home. I know that his life was saved by those nurses, their training, their persistence, and their dependance on God’s guidance. I can’t put into words how thankful I am for them, and their willingness to let Jesus love on us and our baby, through them. I can’t count how many times I have seen my son’s smile and thanked God for putting those women in our lives for 48 hours. And I still can’t believe I’m saying this…
I’m thankful our baby spent 48 hours in the NICU.
Lolli @ Better in Bulk says
Erica, I cannot believe what you went through. What a trial, but what a beautiful blessing that came form it. Thank you for sharing your story!
Erica Mueller says
A blessing indeed, and when I look back on it all now, it seems so small in comparison to what a lot of mothers go through. But, at the time it was huge. Scary.
The change of heart though? No small thing. I still get all weepy when I think of those precious moments!
Kristi says
Erica,
What a beautiful experience you shared with us. I had a NICU baby too, but my little miracle was only surrounded by my prayers (and the prayers of family & friends) in there. What a blessing to have nurses praying over little patients! Thanks for sharing.
Erica Mueller says
Kristi,
It really was a blessing! We had the baby in a hospital in another town, so it’s not like people could just stop by and offer support. We knew they were at home praying, and a few did drive up to see us, but having those nurses was just amazing. They were so on top of everything, called our room, came to see us and update us and were just always there. Just one more affirmation that we’d made the right choice for our delivery hospital!
AngEngland says
I know we’ve talked about this but reading your story brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your story here with us. Amazing.
Carlos says
Thank you for sharing your story. The NICU nurses are truly special people.
Erica Mueller says
They are! It’s amazing how much they see and go through when working with these babies. I got to know one of them pretty well during our stay, and while she had patient confidentiality to step around (can’t use names, etc) she told me a lot of stories!
Jo-Lynne {Musings of a Housewife} says
What a heart wrenching story! I had a baby in the NICU and it is SO SO HARD. ((hug)) I am so glad he is better and on the mend.
Erica Mueller says
Jo-Lynne, it’s amazing me how many people I know who’ve had babies spend time in the NICU!
It feels so good to finally be out of the woods. Apparently the infection could present itself again anytime up until he was 10 wks old, so the pediatrician had us in for regular visits and gave us strict orders to bring him in immediately if he looked even the slightest bit off. Talk about living on eggshells for 10 weeks! My husband was a wreck with worry… Luke is 4 months now and such a chunk. There is no question about his health! haha
Heather says
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes…….reading this has brought back all the memories of our 5-day stay in the NICU at UK. Ashdyn was born only 3 weeks early, and they had told me he had a heart defect before he was born (at 27 weeks), but we were not prepared for what we went through. I will NEVER forget the night they took him from me, after they realized he was short of air while nursing. THey put him in the nursery in the hospital at London where I had him, under the big oxygen thing that goes over his head…..Hol would know the medical term for it! His O2 would not stay normal without being under that and they couldn’t figure out why. After two days of this, we decided that UK was the best bet.
I was not prepared for the NICU team coming by ambulance to get my baby. After xrays, starting an IV in his head, and then finally bringing him in my room to say goodbye, they took him and were on their way to Lexington, us shortly behind them.
He was almost 7 pounds…..so beautiful and perfect. When we got to UK, there were SO many sick babies in the NICU….one pound babies that had little signs on their bed “I got my first bath today”, or others, “I reached the 2-pound mark”….and here we were with a 7 pound baby. ALl the nurses LOVED his hair–thick, black, curly, and wasn’t used to babies as big as him-he was the little NICU monster! LOL!
Shortly after arriving at UK, they had him on room air, but he was still breathing too fast to eat (tachypnea-which I had never heard of). I stood there on the second night and held my babies arms as a sweet nurse put an NG tube down his nose so he could eat because his breathing was still too fast and they were afraid he would aspirate. There is no worse feeling as a mother to be in a hotel room and wake up in the middle of a fit-ful sleep to call the nurse and check on your baby. There were certain hours we could NOT visit, but other than that they were very, very friendly, helpful and considerate of our feelings as parents.
Ashdyn’s sickness opened my eyes to other mothers, who’s babies would be in the NICU for months, and they lived hours away and only got to be with them a few days a week. My heart broke for them. I left what milk I had pumped for other babies that needed it worse than mine. I left there with a bigger heart, a healthy baby and ALL of my family back together again after a very LONG, exhausting week.
Erica Mueller says
Heather, I don’t remember the name of that condition either, but it was one of the warning signs of this infection caused by the strep-b. The nurses were constantly checking Luke’s breathing because he was breathing a little faster than what is considered normal. At first the nurse said it was probably nothing to worry about… he seemed like an anxious baby and she was hoping that’s why he was breathing fast.
My baby was HUGE for a NICU baby too. Most of the time he was the only one in there and he had all the attention of the nurses. That was a huge blessing, but he also got spoiled right away. hehe
Isn’t it amazing how the things we go through change us? Hearing everyone’s stories and seeing other babies there made me realize just how blessed I was!!
Linda says
An amazing story of God’s sovereignty! I was just reading in the first chapter of James where the Lord tells us to ‘count it all joy when you encounter various trials,know that the testing of your faith produces endurance and let let endurance have its perfect result that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.’
What a blessing to see God’s hand in the middle of the trial! The Lord is doing miraculous things all around us and He wants us to trust Him!
Linda, a good friend of your MIL Susan….
Pamela Zimmer says
What an amazing story of faith and inspiration. I am lucky both my babies were born healthy, but I have friends who have had to spend time in the NICU. I can’t imagine what you went through. I am glad you had those nurses and that your little Lucas is healthy and at home with you. 🙂