I have a very large family, but being in the military, my kids aren’t around them and have no clue who they are. The first time I took the kids for a visit, they were 18 months old and 2.5 years old. My countless aunts and uncles ran towards the kids, picked them up, squeezed them, pinched their cheeks, tickled their bellies, and told me they were spoiled rotten and badly educated since they were screaming their heads off and scared out of their minds.
I told them, “They don’t know you.”
“But we’re their family,” they replied
“But they don’t know you,” I reiterated.
Blank stares all around. I hit a brick wall.
Establishing Rules Before Arriving
Explaining to distant family members that your child might not be receptive at first is a must. Ask them to please give them space, but in a nice tactful way. Say something like “the kids like to play a game where they are really shy and then when they’re ready, they will start to play with you with full force. The game is to ignore them until they come to you.” This worked best with my family, but for those who have more understanding family members, just say that the kids need space to feel things out. Once they are comfortable, they will warm up to everyone.
Easing the Transition for Kids
Many people get nervous when visiting distant family members. Whether it’s because of family expectations or due to angst from the past, make sure that this does not come across to the children, especially early elementary age children as they can be brutally honest. Don’t speak ill of family members in front of the kids. Don’t make visiting family seem like a chore, and try to be as relaxed as possible for the sake of the kids.
I had severe anger toward one of my family members, and whenever the boys saw me react negatively towards that person, they did the same. Once I eased up a bit, the boys did too. Even though they did not directly interact with that family member, the tension in the room was gone, and the kids were able to play comfortably.
Take Memories of Home for the Children
Always travel with comfort items to remind kids that they are safe. This may include blankets, teddy bears, or whatever it may be. Remind family that these are special items that make the kids feel safe. We never leave home without the favorite blankets. Make sure to bring a few toys to keep the kids busy, too. This is especially important when travelling to households that do not have little kids. When the kids get bored, they will get into whatever is available to them. That usually means they find the shiniest most fragile hands-off thing they can.
Above all, remember to travel safely, with plenty of entertainment, enough snacks for the road, and with lots of love. The holidays should not be a chore, but an opportunity to create lasting and positive memories.
