It’s ok to shelter your children sometimes.
Yes, I shelter my children. Don’t gasp in horror—the truth is so do you. The word shelter means, according to Dictionary.com, “to provide with a refuge; place under cover” and “protected from storms, missiles, adverse conditions, etc.” Using this definition of limiting our children’s freedom (placing them under cover) to protect them, we shelter our children every time we keep them from running in the road or riding in the car unrestrained. Every normal parent shelters their children to some degree or another.
What I want to talk about today is a healthy level of sheltering, the misconceptions and the benefits. Later I’ll address some of the unhealthy extremes, which I do not personally consider sheltering at all—the words “smothering, “stifling” or “suppressive” (or maybe oppressive) come to mind though. But for now my current thoughts are on sheltering my children and why I bother.
I bother because people are not generally “good” anymore. It used to be that women dressed decently, men didn’t curse when ladies were present, and you could leave your car or home unlocked because people were generally respectful.
Respectful of others around them. Respectful of other people’s property. Respectful of “common moral decency” which is, unfortunately, not common anymore. I do not want my children to think that drunkenness, cussing, stealing and sleeping around is normal. Even though, for many in this little country town with nothing better to do, it is.
Our neighbor child is 5 years old and cusses like a sailor. So I will therefore, gladly, shelter my son from that potentially harmful influence the same as I would refuse to let him watch an R-rated movie. Am I judging that child? No—not in the sense of putting her down—anymore than I “hate” a movie I do not buy. I am simply deciding that, for our family, that is a level of language that is not acceptable at this time.
When my son’s speech habits and patterns are more firmly set, it would be easier for him to hear these words used without picking up the habit. The judgment comes in the sense that I am “judging” my son unready for that level of input. Just as I did not let him stay up and watch Wind Talkers with my dad and me when I was in Fort Smith last week. I “judged” that my son was not ready for that level of input. No malice in that decision —just a judgment call on my point. Shelter.
Psalms 61:4 says, “Let me take refuge in the shelter of your wings,” and Jesus Himself said in Matthew 23:37 that he longed to gather “the children together the way a hen gathers her chicks under her wings.” These analogies of sheltering give the illustration of a mother bird caring for her babies. If you’ve never seen a flock of chickens, it is amazing how they learn each other’s voices. The rooster will call danger or gather his hens with a call when he finds food. A mother hen will keep her chicks very close to her while they are still young and vulnerable, and often you cannot even see the chicks clearly for a couple days after they hatch, although you can hear them from within her wings.
Once the chicks begin exploring more of the world around them independently, the mother is able to call them back to her and again cover them should any sign of danger present itself. She teaches them every thing they need to know to be “good chickens” by keeping them close to her throughout the day. They learn to watch overhead for signs of marauding hawks, they learn when to go to the roost for the night or what signs of storm mean to head back to the coop. And, within a few months, they too will be laying eggs and teaching the next generation.
In the same way with our children, sheltering them allows us to gradually increase their freedom and independence while still being able to guide, protect and train them. We let them play at the park with their friends—but we keep a close eye out for potential “hawks” waiting to snatch them up. We give them opportunities to try new things, but show them how to prepare and eat healthy food choices while avoiding unhealthy foods. We encourage them to learn the skills and decision making abilities they’ll need to know as adults—as parents—as protectors and providers for their own children.
