I read in a tweet that Jeff Goins encouraged us at Blissdom to write the tough stuff. The stuff that isn’t easy to say and doesn’t come out in pleasantries. The stuff that scares us a little to admit.
I might look like a star (Thanks, Glade!) but the shine didn't last long. Friday night is when the pain set in full-force.
See – beneath my high-energy, bright smile, and with-it appearance I have a broken body. Usually I can manage. Sometimes it catches up to me. And this week it caught up to me big time. The stress of having a baby, combined with the added pressure of working on my book deal, meant that my back was already pushed to the limits.
Then came Blissdom. The conference I was so looking forward to this year as my one chance to take a break this spring before my book deadlines force me into hibernation. And my body. just. broke.
V and I catching the Christine Koh session. Thanks Jo-Lynne for the fabulous pic.
I really only made it to half of the conference. Friends on twitter who saw me mention going home said things like, “Wow! I didn’t even realize you were here!” I spent two nights in bed in pain watching the tweet stream share the connections being made, the fun being had, and the inspiration being absorbed. I felt like a ghost – there but not there. You won’t see me in the videos. The recap posts. The party nights. The picture-tagging-and-un-tagging-frenzy.
Heading to the spa for therapy, instead of the party for fun and games.
I didn’t realize until Saturday night when I finally limped into a massage room and STOPPED how bad I really had let myself get. I cried on the table as my therapist helped my body feel again. Move again. Breathe again.
I cried this morning as my husband held me and we talked about the trip. He said, “I’m sorry you wasted your time driving all the way out there.”
And I said, “I didn’t! The half of what I got would was totally worth it!” And it was.
And as I started spilling out moment after moment of why this weekend was worth every broken breathe I realize that it wasn’t about the parties I missed or the special events. While lavish and amazing and something that does set Blissdom apart – what made the trip worthwhile were the people. THE FRIENDS.
The amazing speakers who gave of themselves wholeheartedly. The community leaders who were so present. The writers at Blissfully Domestic who I am so blessed to work with.
Writers gathering at Fuse - this fed my soul!
The friends who text-messaged me to see how I was. Who asked eachother about me in the halls and stopped my sister to see if I was ok. Who are Skyping me even now – ping, ping, ping – to make sure I’m home safely. The ones who will be commenting to say that they love me, or emailing me to let me know they read this and are thinking of me.
Blissdom is about vision, inspiration and community. So proud to be part of it. Pic by Jeannette Kaplun.
It’s easy to let yourself get caught up in the urgent. But I have a body that breaks far sooner than my brain and desire and ideas and energy does. And I have to learn to respect that more and accept that more readily. I love you guys for reminding me this weekend that it is OK to admit that. To acknowledge that fact.
My body burns out before my inner fire does. I have to take care of it or I literally cannot function. It sucks. It’s my shameful secret that I wish I were stronger. I pretend to be stronger than I really am like I pretend to be taller than I really am.
It only works for so long.
And apparently that is ok. That? That acceptance? That is bliss. Thank you guys. I love you.
P.S. The plan is to squeeze our budget a little tighter and make sure I’m seeing the massage therapist at lease once a month. It makes such a difference in my health and strength. Thanks for asking – yet another reason why I love you.
Yep. I needed more bliss than I was able to stay for – and sometimes we can’t control the things that life throws our way – but the 24 hours I was in Nashville, the hugs, the laughs and the joy were tremendously worth it for me.
Also, a big wake up call that I need to take time to connect with my girlfriends FAR MORE OFTEN than once a year. It’s good for my soul.
(Glad you made it home okay)
I would MUCH rather have had a baby reason for missing part of Blissdom than a broken body reason. But it’s nice to not be alone at any rate. 🙂 How’s your sister doing?
*HUGS* I am glad you did get to go and experience part of the conference and spend some time with some amazing people. Take care of yourself hun. I know how easy it is to just ignore then pain but when it finally catches up to you it’s ten time worse then before. Let me know if you need anything!
Shana I really did “get my money’s worth”. Even HALF of Blissdom is worth a whole lot ya’ know? 🙂 I need a live-in massage therapist – got one of those handy? Ha!
I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time. I am glad you are able to realize you need to take some more ‘me time’ and focus taking care of yourself. Like the whole saying ‘you must put the oxygen mask on first before placing it on someone else’ and of course you know that but as a mom it’s normal to push and push further. Praying for you and glad you got to experience even a slice of Blissdom. I know how important it was to you.
It is important to reconnect with friends. So much of what I do is Real-Life-Isolated so those moments of physical connection are more important than ever for me.
I can totally relate. I’ve been there after the birth of my 4th, and again when I discovered a persistent neck injury. It sucks to be in so much pain but have to hold it together for your family, work, and everything else that is depending on you.
I’m so glad the time you did get fed your soul, and I hope you’ll continue to take that time.
Exactly, Kelly. That’s it exactly. I’m hoping to be able to rehab my body the way I did after my car accident but it won’t be a short road. I’ll post regular updates though and I know you guys will encourage me along the way! 🙂
I’m so sorry you couldn’t do everything you wanted to do this week. It was great seeing you a couple of times, and meeting your precious baby girl! 🙂 I hope you can get some much-needed rest so you’re ready to tackle that book next month! ((hug))
It was great to see you, Jo-Lynne and be able to sit at the table with you. Thanks for the gorgeous photo of V and I together – it turned out to be one of the very very few! 🙂
I think you’d find that many of us are not as strong as we pretend to be. I’m sorry that this weekend was difficult for you, both in the physical sense and the fact that you didn’t have as much of that bonding time with your friends, but I love that you recognize the blessings of this community that we share. I hope that you can get the help you need physically so that you can keep on plugging along. You do so many great things, and I appreciate you!!
Thanks, Lolli. I can usually power through a tough deadline, or conference or something extra like this. I just had nothing left in reserve last week.
Huge, huge (but gentle) hugs to you, sweetheart. xo
Thanks, Lisa! And a million congratulations to you and your gorgeous girl. 🙂
Oh Angie, I’m so sorry that you had such a hard time in Nashville. I wish I would have known you were here, maybe I could have helped. I didn’t attend but I live 10 minutes away. I hope that you are feeling better, and please do not consider yourself a failure or broken because your body has limitations! You are strong and you are making a difference. Please take care of yourself and give yourself grace. Hugs from Nashville,
Jenny
Thanks, Jenny. Blissdom is in Nashville every year and I’ll always plan to attend so hopefully we can connect next year. 🙂
Aw babe… it’s so hard when our bodies don’t live up to what our spirit wants. And as moms it’s SO HARD to learn to let things go, to pace ourselves, to take care of US before THEM.
I’m so proud of you for not pushing yourself even harder, for knowing when to say enough is enough, and for recognizing that it wasn’t wasted time.
There will be other conferences, there will be other events, but there’s only only one of YOU and boy would we be sad if we couldn’t enjoy having you around forever!
Thanks, Jessica. That means a lot to me. I am going to work with my doctor to see what we can do together so this won’t happen again.
What a beautiful, candid post. I was so sorry you were in pain, so happy to hear on Sunday you were mobile again.
Thanks, Cindy. Sunday really was the best I had felt in about a month. Or more. Maybe since the first trimester of my pregnancy, to be honest. It set a blueprint for what I’ll need to do to get back on track with my health.
I am so glad you came. I felt really bad that you were missing out some, but I know that the time you did get to enjoy was worth it. Just the lunch with the BD writers was amazing. I may be slightly selfish, but I really enjoyed us being together. 🙂
Thanks, Erica. It meant a lot to me having you there and so encouraging. The lunch with the writers was a huge highlight for me! I felt bad that your mother-in-law didn’t get to see the full Angela-effect until the drive home. hehehehe
hope you are feeling better!
Thanks, Carmen. It will be awhile I think before I am I truly better completely, even when I’m better than this last week. *wry grin* We’ll get there!
So glad that you’re feeling much better and that you were able to get as much as you could out of it but it’s so true that we have to be the ones who stop and take a moment to make sure we’re ok. You are an amazing woman but you have to take care of yourself so you can even further realize your full potential. Thanks for getting the Blissfully Domestic ladies together and for pushing through the pain and so glad the massage therapist could help you get things aligned so you felt better. All my love to you!!! xoxo
Thanks, Barbara! Even HALF Blissdom is a whole lotta’ awesome! 😀 It’s hard for me to just stop. But I’ve already scheduled another massage for this Saturday and am doing some PT exercises that helped me after my car wreck. So I’m going to kick this and get back to full force. Then watch out, world!
Did not realize how bad you were feeling, just knew I did not see you much at all. So sorry you were in such pain. I should’ve joined you at the spa by Saturday night. I actually went to a local pharmacy and got those stick-on heat pads and wore one all day Saturday on my lower back! Hubby was so sweet to give me a serious back rub when I got home.
I know that when I have gotten at bad points, regular massage and chiro care have made a huge difference.
And from one Type A woman to another, it is frustrating to have a body that gives out before the inner spark does, but maybe that is God’s way of making sure we don’t burn out that fire completely…
Big, soft, gentle, virtual hugs…
You know the divide between the polite, “I’m fine! How are you?” and “I’m in agony but I’m hear so I’m going to smile and hug you instead.”? Yeah, that.
And I totally lived with those thermacare packs all week – they should have been my conference sponsor, Bernice! Lol! The regular massage is an aspect that has been missing for awhile, and with my core muscles more lax than usual from the pregnancy it was just a bad one-two punch.
Bless your heart! I hate that you hurt… So hoping you get well soon. I have a bad back too. And that feeling is the WORST! I’m sure driving didn’t help you all that much…..
Here’s to hoping you are resting and being waited on hand and foot while home!
xoxoxo – Joey
Driving out really did push it over the edge for me, yeah. I’m totally bummed that I didn’t get to squeeze your neck – never mind enjoy another meal with you. Maybe this summer?
After connecting at Type A i was looking forward to connecting with you again at Blissdom and was sad I missed you. But I am so glad you got the message to slow down and take care of you. I am always running around like a chicken with my head cut off at conferences but have come to realize that the connections are really about quality vs. quantity. And Blissdom is packed FULL of quality 🙂
You’re so right about that, Jill! I loved connecting with you at Type-A and I know you made some great connections at Blissdom as well. We’ll meet again – no worries!
So bummed I missed you! I had finally found you in a session, but was caught by someone else before I could make a beeline over and say hello. 🙂 I’m so glad you’re feeling better and praying for you as you finish your book!
Thanks Donielle – I know we were both in the Christine Koh session but it’s easy at a conference to get snagged into side chats. I joke with my husband that it can take me an hour just to make my way to the restroom sometimes! 😀
Angela, I am so thankful I got to spend time with you at the Blissfully Domestic writer’s lunch and that I got to meet your beautiful baby! I’m sorry you were in pain for much of the conference. I have scoliosis, so I can definitely relate to the horrors of back pain. I’ve hit that wall of pain before, and I know how frustrating it is when your body literally will not operate. I can’t wait to read your book when it comes out. I know it will be amazing. I am so proud to know and work with you!
Thank you, Mandy. It was great to meet you finally and put a hug to the name. I love your contributions on the site and am blessed to have writers working with us who are so consistent and fabulous. Wall of pain is a good description for it.
The book is going! It is definitely heading in the right direction. 🙂
Be gentle with yourself. the old adage of “Put on your oxygen mask before those of the people who need help” is never more appropriate than right now.
xoxoxo
Thanks, Carmen. You’re right with that analogy of course.